Englar Stewart

It is one thing when the economy crumbles and the war in Iraq seems to have been going on for thirty years, but the Yankees not making the playoffs, that signals something is wrong with our country.

How cruel of a joke is it that the last game in Yankee Stadium was rendered meaningless. These are the Yankees. They are supposed to win. This country was not built for little teams like the Tampa Bay Rays to win the American League East.

A fantasy football owner from East Lansing, Michigan, has contacted the Atlanta Falcons about possibly buying the team. He claims that he has dominated his league for several years and believes he could be a better owner than the Falcons current regime.

Brian Delaney has a system. That is what friends say about the man who has won the CrawDaddy League four years in a row. Delaney himself believes that he has something that other owners in his league do not possess.

Han Solo had a long bout with Jabba the Hutt, but nothing that happened back then can prepare her for what she will face on Thursday. Solo is getting ready to lead the American soccer team into battle against Brazil for the gold medal at the Olympics.

Beijing has never seen such a character as Solo. Last year, she was kicked off the American team for comments made after her backup, Brianna Scurry, was torched for four goals against this Brazil team.

Brett Favre was introduced to the New York media yesterday, and he was a bit confused when he showed up for the press conference. Favre agreed to the trade to send him away from the Packers, but he claims he was confused as to which team he was joining.

Originally, Favre said in the news conference, he thought he was being traded to the New York Mets. He told reporters that his agent informed him he would be joining the Mets.

Alex Rodriguez signed with a talent agent on Tuesday. That is not satire, that is the truth. There are times when the satire simply happens and does not have to be created. Rodriguez is hoping that the well known talent agency can find SOMETHING that they can market in A-Rod.

Outside of his recent scandal with Madonna, A-Rod has about as much personality as a pen. He has decided that it will now be up to the talent agency to do its job and find something to market.

Part of the contract he signed states.

Dennis Rodman has been out of the NBA for a while now, but he still believes he can play in the league. Rodman recently said as much when he was playing in a charity event for DRNM (Dennis Rodman Needs Money).

The charity was set up for Rodman back when he finished his playing career. People around him knew that he was prone to spending money on drugs and hookers, so they set up the charity.

This past week, the charity held their annual basketball game to raise money for Rodman. They brought out an all star cast of ex-players to play in the event. Former greats Kareem Abdul Jabbar and Bill Walton played.

Tony Stewart is parting ways with racing team owner Joe Gibbs after the two decided they could no longer work together. Stewart has already become vindictive by announcing he is planning to play for the Washington Redskins next season.

Stewart has never played professional football but is certain he can make the switch from NASCAR to the NFL. He has not yet declared what position he will be playing with the Redskins.

Stewart and Gibbs were in a heated argument.

The German soccer team felt like they had shamed their entire country. After losing to Spain on Sunday in the Euro 2008 soccer championships, the team and their fellow countrymen must move to the United States.

In a bet that was made between the German government and the government from Spain, the loser of Sunday's game would have to move everyone in their country to America. The bet stated that punishment for losing would be to go to a country that disrespects the game of soccer.

Since America is the only country in the world that disrespects the game, all Germans must now move to America. Having to move to the United States was more of a punishment than losing the game, according to some German players.

The Italians are well known for their fascination with eating. That fascination may have cost them in their first round game with the Netherlands a couple of days ago.

The Italian team has issued a statement that they feel they were wronged before that match with the Netherlands. They claim that someone snuck into their locker room and secretly exchanged their traditional pre-game meal of Rigatoni Bolognese with Ragu and egg noodles.

The claim could be warranted for anyone who saw the Italians play that game. They looked lethargic, and malnourished.

Ex-NBA referee Tim Donaghy has already been shamed by the American public. Betting on the games they love and hold sacred as a referee is a no-no in the public's eye. What Donaghy did this week in prison is even more shameful.

Donaghy was refereeing a pick up game at the prison where he is serving time for his illegal activity. Donaghy allegedly manipulated the results of the pick up game in order to receive cigarettes from one of the players on the winning team.

Maurice Jenkins felt something was wrong when he continually drove to the hole but was called for offensive fouls.

On the verge of doing something historic, Big Brown on Tuesday made the kind of demands that are usually reserved for high profile human athletes. The horse demanded that his name be changed before the Belmont Stakes this weekend.

The horse's trainer is scurrying to find a name that the horse formerly known as Big Brown will accept. Instead of doing their usual gallop on Tuesday, the trainer was reading a list of names off to the horse.

By the end of the day, both the horse and the trainer were frustrated with the process.