Sports Satire

Bubba Spinoli

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"What The F*ck?"
"What The F*ck?"
The New York Yankees are used to winning and when they do not win, usually somebody has to pay the price. That somebody this time around may be new slugger Mark Teixeira.

The Yankees lost their first game of the year on Monday, and afterwards a visibly upset Hank Steinbrenner went on one of his patented rants. He spoke of how the season has been such a disappointment, and how some players were not safe to stay in the Bronx.

Mike McCarthy Has A Vice
Mike McCarthy Has A Vice
Brett Favre is not happy that the Green Bay Packers handled him the way they did in the off season. He has vowed that he will get back at the team by his play on the field, but it is his words that are resonating throughout Wisconsin.

Favre did the unimaginable on Wednesday when he revealed personal knowledge about his former owner. He told a writer conducting the interview that the owner of the Packers likes cats. It was a shocking revelation.

Media Darling Gone
Media Darling Gone
Now that both USC and Ohio State have had crushing defeats, who is left to play in the National Championship game? Can the game even survive without the two teams that many predicted would be playing for the title before the season began.

Once again, the importance of the preseason polls were on display Thursday night when Oregon State disposed of supposedly one of the best teams that Pete Carroll has ever had at USC. Wow, the best team ever, and they lose a game in the first quarter of the season.

On Top in East
On Top in East
The New York Mets have enjoyed such a tremendous turnaround after firing manager Willie Randolph, that the team has now vowed to make firing their manager an every year occurrence.

The Mets are in first place in the National League East and their turnaround from a poor started began shortly after Randolph was fired. They replaced him with bench coach Jerry Manuel, and have soared in the standings ever since.

Numero Unos
Numero Unos
The Dallas Cowboys have been extremely impressed with the attention that Chad Ocho Cinco has received since changing his name from Johnson. In order to get some of that attention themselves, they too have decided to change their name.

Jerry Jones, the Cowboys owner, has announced that he will be changing their team name to the Dallas Numero Unos beginning with this weekends opener. The league has been scrambling to change merchandise before the weekend.

"I Want Them All"
"I Want Them All"
Michael Phelps is an extraordinary athlete. So extraordinary in fact, that he is trying to complete a feat that has never even been attempted in the history of the Olympics. He is trying to win every individual gold medal that is available.

So far, so good for Phelps, although all he has done up until now at the Beijing Olympics is prove that he is the best in the water. His next two attempts at gold will be much more challenging.

"Pay Up, I Won"
"Pay Up, I Won"
Tim Donaghy disgraced the NBA for many of the years that he was an official for the league. He was an avid gambler that has now received a sentence of fifteen months for a gambling scandal.

Donaghy erupted with joy when the judge read the sentence. Afterward, Donaghy explained that he was involved in a betting pool that had to do with how long he would be sentenced. He just happened to have the number 15 months.

Gearing Up For PlayStation
Gearing Up For PlayStation
Tiger Woods is not physically able to participate in this week's British Open, but that has not stopped him from having a share of the lead after the first round. Woods used his, 'I am the greatest golfer' exemption to enter the tournament via Sony PlayStation.

While the rest of the field had to battle terrible weather conditions on the tournament's first day, Woods had no such problems. He simply set his game to perfect weather and went out and shot a -12 for the day.

Usually the PGA does not allow players to play from their homes, but they needed the ratings that Woods generates.

Money Hidden Away
Money Hidden Away
Michael Vick has been heard teasing his fellow inmates as of late about money. Although he claimed bankruptcy today somehow from jail, he still knows he has much loot when he gets out.

Vick filed bankruptcy based on the money that the government thinks he has, not on his actual earnings. He was overheard telling a prison buddy that he has twenty million dollars stored away from dog fights.

When Vick first got to jail and everyone was telling story's of why they were there, Vick did not say it was for bankrolling a dog fighting operation.

Yankees' Newest Signees
Yankees' Newest Signees
American baseball has made a move towards signing Cuban defectors over the past few years. The age on these prospects has gotten considerably younger. On Thursday, Major League teams put a new policy in effect that will allow them to bid on Cuban babies.

The New York Yankees began the process by bidding $2.5 million for Arestes Gonzalez. Although he is only two years old, Yankee scouts believe he could develop into one of the best right fielders in baseball in eighteen years.

The Oakland A's got in on the bidding when they offered $300,000 for a slick fielding one year old named Esteban Cruz. Cruz is currently in diapers.

900 Foot Home Runs Coming
900 Foot Home Runs Coming
The powers that be in the NCAA that govern college baseball have decided to make a rule change for next year. They have come to the conclusion that there is not enough excitement associated with the current game, so they are making a drastic move.

They have decided that starting next year, racquetballs will be used instead of baseballs. The theory is that home runs in college may now travel up to 900 feet when you combine the racquetballs with the aluminum bats that are used in college baseball.

Instant Replay For Steroids
Instant Replay For Steroids
Major League Baseball has made a monumental move this weekend involving instant replay. Commissioner Bud Selig has announced that the league will use instant replay, not for judging whether balls are home runs or not, but for catching suspected steroid users.

The league began experimenting with the new replay system using players that are now retired. The way it works is they go back and review film of players early in their career. Then, they view tapes from later in that players career. If the player looks like a before and after picture for a gym, he immediately is accused of using steroids.

Sunflower Seed Brawl
Sunflower Seed Brawl
The Boston Red Sox and Tampa Bay Rays had a bench clearing brawl on Thursday night. It was the second brawl of the season this year for the Rays, who also brawled in spring training with the Yankees.

On Friday, the reasons for the brawl were revealed by several players, and ironically, the reason's were similar in both situations.

Carl Crawford, who was one of the players involved in the brawl, claims the whole battle began over sunflower seeds. He says that him and catcher Jason Varitek were having a debate over which seeds they ate. Varitek likes Planters, while Crawford prefers David.

Personal Injury Attorney Needed
Personal Injury Attorney Needed
The Kansas Jayhawks should have been enjoying the past few months of their season. They came from way behind to win the college basketball national championship back in March. Instead of celebrating, however, the Kansas Jayhawks are in need of a personal injury attorney.

The case will be tough to present for any attorney that takes the case, but the Jayhawks are seeking injury compensation from the president of the United States. On Tuesday, the champion Jayhawks basketball team visited the White House as is customary for champions.