Jerome Davis

Major League Baseball took a page out of the playbook of the NFL on Tuesday when they announced that they would back Game 5 of the World Series up until Super Bowl Sunday.

The move was done by the commissioners office to ensure baseball fans that they will no longer accept football walking all over them. The NFL has for a long time now, disregarded any other sport when it came to boosting their own self image.

The United States has become so cocky about their ability to be superior to the world in every sport that they have suggested a change to the current format for the Ryder Cup. They will now not only take on Europe, but the whole world.

The current format has United States golfers taking on golfers from all the different European countries. While they are just one country, they still find it necessary to play against golfers from many countries.

Oscar De La Hoya has agreed to fight Manny Pacquiao, but he has put a few stipulations in the contract. He will only get into the ring with Pacquiao if both men are wearing tights.

De La Hoya has already admitted to liking wearing the tight around the house, but now he said for his last fight he would like the world to see what he looks like in the tights.

He did say that he would wear a traditional color of either red or blue, and that his opponent would get to chose from another color. Pacquiao only agreed to wearing the tights because he wants to beat the sh*t out of De La Hoya.

The Chicago Bears have made an unprecedented move today. They have decided to go into the NFL season with no starting quarterback. With nobody emerging as a candidate for the starting job, coach Lovie Smith has decided on nobody.

"We just do not have anyone worthy of putting under center at this time. If I had to make a decision I would simply quit because there is nobody in this camp that can lead this team," said Smith at a news conference announcing his decision.

The Beijing games are just about to get under way this weekend and athletes from all around the world were annoyed with the host country on Wednesday. It seems that all restaurants in China have run out of fortune cookies.

Many superstitious athletes were stunned on Wednesday when they arrived in Chinese restaurants looking for their final meals before beginning preparations to compete. No matter which restaurants they ate at, there were no fortune cookies to be found.

The New York Yankees made what seemed like a significant trade on Wednesday. They acquired future hall of famer Ivan Rodriguez from the Detroit Tigers, but after they lost to the Angels on Thursday, their George Steinbrenner wanna be owner Hank ranted during a press conference.

"What the hell was that? Our GM (Brian Cashman) goes and trades for a guy, and the next day we lose. What good is it to pick a guy up if we are going to lose with him. What a waste of a trade," said Steinbrenner.

Jimmie Johnson won at the Indianapolis Speedway on Sunday. The big news, however, came after the race when Johnson announced that he was once again going back into coaching.

Johnson retired from the NFL after coaching a few seasons with the Miami Dolphins. In the time after he retired, he reinvented himself as a top of the line NASCAR driver. Up until now he had not missed coaching.

Mike Hampton made his first start in three years on Saturday and you would think somebody would have paid attention. Nope. That was not the case. Hampton started the game against the Philadelphia Phillies Saturday afternoon.

Upon taking the mound, it should have been a joyous occasion for Hampton. It was not. The Phillies pounded him and his poor outing will probably land him back on the disabled list. The Braves even gave him a huge lead to hold.

The New Orleans Saints announced on Monday that they have completed a deal for New York Giants tight end Jeremy Shockey. The Saints announced at the same news conference that Shockey will not play for the Saints, he will be their resident drunk mascot.

The Saints are trying to get closer to their fan base. The move for Shockey does not come as a complete surprise. They will use Shockey on Tuesday and Thursday nights to go out and get drunk with their fans in bars.

He has been instructed that he must then find any reporter he can find and shout obscenities into their cameras. The new job the Saints have given him is not too far off from the job he had with the Giants.

Today saw a wide range of drama involving Barry Bonds' record breaking home run ball. First it was sold to the Hall of Fame, then it wasn't, then it was again. In the end, the proper decision was made on what to do with the ball.

Barry Bonds' 756th home run ball will be delivered to Wrigley field in Chicago where one lucky fan in the outfield seats will get to throw the ball back on the field. It is a customary practice at Wrigley to throw home run balls of the opposing team back onto the field.

The Olympic Basketball Committee chose the players that will represent the United States in the upcoming Olympics later this summer. The team is a good representation of America. Criminals who have survived the system thanks to the power of money.

The featured players on the squad have both been no strangers to public controversy. Kobe Bryant beat rape charges a few years back thanks to the woman he raped having a shadier disposition than Eminem.

Carmelo Anthony was also named to the team. Anthony is fresh off an arrest where he was caught drinking and driving.

Michael and Marcus Vick need help. They are in need of a personal injury attorney who can stop the bleeding to their careers and reputations. Marcus, who apparently learning nothing fro his brother's troubles with the law, received a DUI early Friday morning.

Vick was overheard telling the arresting officers that he felt his family had already been hurt enough after his brother was thrown in jail for simply beating animals. "Man, you cops are out to get us. My brother kills a few dogs and you send him upstate. Me, your gonna arrest me now just cause I drank a few bottles of Tanqueray. It's just wrong," said Vick.

While the US Open golf tournament officials thought they were making improvements to the first two rounds of their golf tournament, Tiger Woods has created a controversy in the media with a quote from Wednesday afternoon.

Woods was speaking at a benefit for Kids in Distress when the issue of playing alongside Mickelson came up. He answered the question in the only way he knew how. Turns out his words may have been misrepresented by the media.

"I like playing with Phil. He brings out the best in me.

General Manager Brian Cashman said after the game that if Joba's arm reacted well after Sunday's outing, that they might let Chamberlain go out to dinner by himself on the next Yankee road trip. Up until now, the Yanks only allowed him to travel outside the team hotel with a chaperon who was over thirty years old.

Chamberlain claims that he would like to have the additional freedom, but that it is kind of nice to have his parents, the Yankees, make his lunch for him. While Chamberlain is enjoying the treatment from the Yankees, Hall of Famer Willie Mays has seen enough.

The Boston Celtics just completed their victory in game one of the NBA finals, and before they even went back to their locker room, the players were already praising the efforts of Big Brown.

"Boy, that Big Brown played a hell of a game out there tonight. That horse just ran up and down the court, and couldn't miss a shot. He was in some zone," said Paul Pierce.

Big Brown was lighting it up from all areas of the court. When the game was over, Big Brown finished with 124 points, and 200 rebounds. Afterwards, reporters asked Kevin Garnett how he got the nickname of Big Brown.